of regret and awakening

Whenever I remember or see one of my exes, I always ask myself this....

"WHY, NICOLE? WHY?"

Quite strange how regret can get you. Rationally, regretting is a waste of time because you can't do anything about what has already happened. You have to acknowledge the decisions made, accept the consequences, and move forward and take whatever you've learned and use them to avoid future mistakes.

Easier said than done. It often takes a while before you can truly accept and move on. And though you've already let go and moved forward, there are times you remember how things were and think about the Whys, If Onlys, Should Haves, Could Haves.

Assuming you've learned so many things from your past decisions, and in retrospect these should make you appreciate your experiences, and you've grown up thanks to the triumphs and downfalls of your life--you still ask yourself "Why'd I have to do that?" You'd figure that you'd be in a better position now if you had made the right choices. Then again, you know you didn't.

But honestly, more than realizing that you should have made better decisions and how situations or people have affected or influenced you--the epiphany is more about yourself. The "why" question you ask is because you finally get it; you finally see that you are more and above the situations and people you've encountered. They shouldn't have determined who you are and your decisions because ultimately, you know your area of control. You know what's good for you. You know what will make you joyful (take note: not just happy) and content. Finally, you can see yourself clearly now--no distractions, no detours as if stripped of everything but your skin. You can't run away or hide behind situations or people anymore.