Well, not really. It's just that I still have a bit of a hangover after watching A Love Affair this afternoon with my close girlfriends. I drove all the way to the South, endured the traffic and rain, to spend the entire afternoon with my friends--not knowing what we'd do but all I knew was that I desperately needed some time with good friends. It's been a while since I last watched that film, and with confidence I can say that's one of the best romance movies I've seen. The original version (An Affair To Remember) is better, of course, but A Love Affair is definitely one of those romance films you'd want to watch if you want to feel all mushy and emotional.
After watching the movie, Raiz, Kten, Kathleen and I went to Yellow Cab to grab a bite. We ordered a 14" pizza--half New York's Finest and half 4-cheese pizza. Indulged ourselves a bit, actually. Hahaha! We also had pasta and ice cream. Spent the rest of the afternoon chatting, laughing, contemplating. Oh, you know how us women are...we can spend an entire day just talking about anything that pops in our complicated heads :)
Drove all the way back North to have my coffee date with my friend Esther. I think we both weren't in the mood to socialize so opting for a night of coffee and a bit of chit chat was the more appealing thing to do. I got home past midnight already, so come to think of it I was out of the house for almost 14 hours.
Ugh...was supposed to blog about more things but half my brain's asleep already so I'll probably write something later..or tomorrow..whatever.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
paranoia plus the stomach flu isn't a good combination, you know
I seriously want to cry right now. I wasn't able to go to work today because my stomach started acting up again and I've been puking so that's not good, too. The part that I hate is that I wasn't able to go to the office today because there are so many things to do. The fact that I think my bosses sometimes conspire against each other and the rest of us at the office doesn't make it better. I'm paranoid about my bosses, for some reason. I sometimes feel like they think I'm not good enough for the job, or that I'm whatever-they-think-I-am. I dunno...Yeah, maybe I'm just being paranoid or maybe there's an ounce of truth to what I feel. Today is one of those days that I want to cry and on a whim just walk into my boss's office and sign in my resignation because I don't think I can ever face them--knowing how they talk behind other people's back sometimes and not even realize that we have such a small office that every bit of news spreads quicker than wildfire. I don't want to be known as the girl who's always sick. But hello?? I've been like this since high school. I have always been sick but that doesn't mean I don't like what I do. I love my job even if it can drive me crazy sometimes. I really hate myself right now for not being well, and having so many important deadlines to be met and being at home isn't the funnest place to be.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
She and Him
After having heard Zooey Deschanel belt out "Baby it's cold Outside" in the movie Elf, I've been a fan ever since.
I read in a magazine that she had a..well, err..group (?) called She and Him. I asked my friend Mishi about it and she confirmed that Zooey did have a band (?). So yeah, a couple of nights ago--a year after knowing about She and Him-- I finally got to DL a few songs. My current fave is Stormy Weather :)
photo credit: http://kemji.img.jugem.jp/20080824_589374.jpg and www.fedge.net
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
losing it
No, I'm not going crazy. I think I'm slowly losing my creativity. Is there such a thing? Or maybe I'm just losing inspiration and motivation to be creative. I feel like stress at work is affecting my bouts of creativity, or lack thereof. I don't like this feeling at all! I hate not being able to have sudden bursts of 'A-ha!' moments in the middle of the night, or at any point of the day actually. I don't like this at all!
Sunday, July 12, 2009
how a Sunday night movie could affect me so much...
I've been bawling my eyes out for almost 2 hours already, and it started with P.S I love you. I ♥ ♥ ♥ this movie! I'm very picky with foreign romance movies. Local ones are a different issue. Hahaha! There's just something about local romantic comedies that tugs my cheezy heart. Anyway, P.S I love you is such a nice film. It didn't end with the female lead ending up with a new man. The film didn't end like how romance movies usually do that's why I like it so much. I dunno...there's something about the movie that I can't put my finger around.
There's one message that I definitely got from the film: Life goes on--it HAS to go on, whatever happens. There's no point in halting everything just because something horrible happened. Life has its ups and downs, and every laughter, tear, downfall, and triumph we experience is part of it.
I think I cried so much because I can relate to Holly's situation a bit. I guess I can relate to Holly's experience of going with the flow, not wanting to take a risk because the chances of being left seems to be getting higher everytime a man comes into her life. I'm such a wuss, to be honest. I seem to let people think that I'm okay with being unattached and career driven. Don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying being single and exploring different opportunities. It's just that there are times that I remember how it was when someone actually cared for me, there was finally a person (I thought) who would care for me and love me and maybe he was the one. I'm just saying it's hard when you suddenly remember that there was someone like that in your life, you know? Oh my...Well, I'm going to say it again. Life goes on, and it has to. How else will you survive?
I love what Holly's Mom told her I think a bit before the film ended. I don't know if this is the exact line but it goes something like "I know you're alone, but at least we're in this together". We feel like we're alone, but we're not. We have people who love us who're around us and I think the realization should be about being content with the love we have from family and friends. Love doesn't only exist in romantic relationships. We often forget or take for granted that love starts with our family and friends. So everyone, take a look around and appreciate the love that abounds and overflows from your parents, siblings, girl-friends, your guy friends, and even from complete strangers who show compassion and care for others with their simple acts of kindness that often go unrecognized. Spread the love! :)
There's one message that I definitely got from the film: Life goes on--it HAS to go on, whatever happens. There's no point in halting everything just because something horrible happened. Life has its ups and downs, and every laughter, tear, downfall, and triumph we experience is part of it.
I think I cried so much because I can relate to Holly's situation a bit. I guess I can relate to Holly's experience of going with the flow, not wanting to take a risk because the chances of being left seems to be getting higher everytime a man comes into her life. I'm such a wuss, to be honest. I seem to let people think that I'm okay with being unattached and career driven. Don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying being single and exploring different opportunities. It's just that there are times that I remember how it was when someone actually cared for me, there was finally a person (I thought) who would care for me and love me and maybe he was the one. I'm just saying it's hard when you suddenly remember that there was someone like that in your life, you know? Oh my...Well, I'm going to say it again. Life goes on, and it has to. How else will you survive?
I love what Holly's Mom told her I think a bit before the film ended. I don't know if this is the exact line but it goes something like "I know you're alone, but at least we're in this together". We feel like we're alone, but we're not. We have people who love us who're around us and I think the realization should be about being content with the love we have from family and friends. Love doesn't only exist in romantic relationships. We often forget or take for granted that love starts with our family and friends. So everyone, take a look around and appreciate the love that abounds and overflows from your parents, siblings, girl-friends, your guy friends, and even from complete strangers who show compassion and care for others with their simple acts of kindness that often go unrecognized. Spread the love! :)
Saturday, July 4, 2009
brain farts
So after this very stressful week at work, I'm now posting an entry that I think will be a pretty long one. You can stop reading it anytime along the way. Doesn't matter. Brain farts--that's what I'm doing right now...farting thoughts.
Anyway, I got home about an hour ago from the wake of Tita Susan, a good friend of my mom and the sister of Tito Dodjie--one of the members of Patatag (the singing group of my mom when she was in college in the 80s...they were composed of student activists who sang their hearts out singing about justice, nationalism, etc). I met Tita Susan last year while rehearsing for the reunion/fund-raising concert of Patatag for Tita Nonyx, another member who really needed help for her to be able to continue her dialysis treatment. Tita Susan's really nice. She's quite funny, and very smart too. I actually found out last year that she sang Babae Ka! I remembered singing that song in my junior year in high school. I think it was for an interlevel competition for the Linggo ng Wika. I couldn't believe that I was actually talking to the woman who sang that very powerful song. I loved the fact that she wasn't just the singer. Tita Susan embodied the song perfectly. She represented and still represents womanhood.
I cried yesterday when I found out Tita Susan passed away. She was already struggling with cancer, and I guess it really was time for her to go. It was a very painful thing to go through for her, so it's right that she's finally resting. It's been only three months since my grandfather died, and I feel like it's too soon for someone (who I know personally) to die. I haven't recovered from my lolo's passing, and I have yet to grieve. The grief is slowly creeping in on all of us here at home. My grandmother has been lethargic, and my mom actually told me she can feel that my lola's grieving has finally started.
People grieve differently, so each of us show it differently as well. My mom's more "showy". She and my lolo were really close, so we do see her cry from time to time. Things are better now, actually. There was a time that she would suddenly cry in public because something would remind her of Lolo Jake. My brother hasn't shown any kind of emotion about our lolo's death. I guess having gone through a near-death experience almost 3 years ago and seeing two of his friends die has changed him and his view on life and moving on after death. My lola has been wearing a lot of black-white combinations since my grandfather died. Most people know that my grandmother usually wears colorful clothes. The fact that she's been opting to wear white and/or black often is quite bothersome. Again, we grieve differently...As for me...well, I don't really want to go into the details. Let's just say the next two months will be quite interesting for me in terms of the grieving process.
It's hard to grieve when you're frustrated at work because of very demanding and difficult clients. Grief doesn't really hit you when you're busy planning so many things for the next few months. It doesn't make it's presence felt when you're trying your hardest to push it back to it's corner though you know you shouldn't fight it. God knows how desperate I am to cry and just get it over with. Am I asking too much? Am I being such an arrogant fool to think that rationalizing things would make me not grieve?
Now let's stop talking about grief...it's a bit of a downer, and I'm sorry for making you feel bad with what I've written. I haven't talked about this, so yeah..Brain farts. Anyway, my company (all SIXTEEN of us) are going to Subic tomorrow for the treetop adventure thingy. I'm expecting it to rain, so I'll be bringing my awesome wow-it's-going-to-snow-so-I'll-wear-this-jacket jacket. It's cream-colored, is made of non-absorbent material, and it has a hood. I wanted us just to have karaoke night at a nice karaoke bar here in the Metro, but since our expat Ben is leaving soon we might as well take him out of Manila.
Brain fart #3: the next couple of weeks I'll be "hating" myself for the fact that I've gained weight since I started working. People's comments about how I seem to be looking healthier compared to before is not making me happy at all. It makes me want to throw something. I don't like weight comments...I actually think it's rude to comment about one's weight if your opinion isn't asked about it. I haven't been able to wake up early this past week so I wasn't able to go jogging. I'll starve myself again if this pattern doesn't change.
Another thought...I only found out last night that I was supposed to be nicknamed Cheska. My parents were already calling me that when I was a baby but Lolo Jake got mad and he said he didn't want me to use that nickname because there was a new product out called Cheska Bibingka (a local dish that's usually served as a snack and often sold during Christmas season). He didn't like the name because I might be associated with Cheska Bibingka and I'd be teased by people. My grandfather's the reason why I'm known as Nicole. Why, initially, I've never been called Niks, Nic, Nik...I was known as Nicole for the longest time. People only started coining nicknames for me when I was in high school. Quite strange, actually, for some people to call me Niks (which is my nickname to close friends and family).
My lolo and I were never that close. I grew up living with my grandparents, but I wasn't close to him. Though we didn't have a close relationship, we knew each other well. I guess living under the same roof atunes you to how a person is. He knew what I liked and didn't like, and I knew what ticked him off and made him laugh. Okay, NOW I'm feeling a bit sleepy and my brain farts are starting to sound faint. I might as well end here and continue writing about my dearest Lolo Jake some other time. He deserves entirely for him :)
Anyway, I got home about an hour ago from the wake of Tita Susan, a good friend of my mom and the sister of Tito Dodjie--one of the members of Patatag (the singing group of my mom when she was in college in the 80s...they were composed of student activists who sang their hearts out singing about justice, nationalism, etc). I met Tita Susan last year while rehearsing for the reunion/fund-raising concert of Patatag for Tita Nonyx, another member who really needed help for her to be able to continue her dialysis treatment. Tita Susan's really nice. She's quite funny, and very smart too. I actually found out last year that she sang Babae Ka! I remembered singing that song in my junior year in high school. I think it was for an interlevel competition for the Linggo ng Wika. I couldn't believe that I was actually talking to the woman who sang that very powerful song. I loved the fact that she wasn't just the singer. Tita Susan embodied the song perfectly. She represented and still represents womanhood.
I cried yesterday when I found out Tita Susan passed away. She was already struggling with cancer, and I guess it really was time for her to go. It was a very painful thing to go through for her, so it's right that she's finally resting. It's been only three months since my grandfather died, and I feel like it's too soon for someone (who I know personally) to die. I haven't recovered from my lolo's passing, and I have yet to grieve. The grief is slowly creeping in on all of us here at home. My grandmother has been lethargic, and my mom actually told me she can feel that my lola's grieving has finally started.
People grieve differently, so each of us show it differently as well. My mom's more "showy". She and my lolo were really close, so we do see her cry from time to time. Things are better now, actually. There was a time that she would suddenly cry in public because something would remind her of Lolo Jake. My brother hasn't shown any kind of emotion about our lolo's death. I guess having gone through a near-death experience almost 3 years ago and seeing two of his friends die has changed him and his view on life and moving on after death. My lola has been wearing a lot of black-white combinations since my grandfather died. Most people know that my grandmother usually wears colorful clothes. The fact that she's been opting to wear white and/or black often is quite bothersome. Again, we grieve differently...As for me...well, I don't really want to go into the details. Let's just say the next two months will be quite interesting for me in terms of the grieving process.
It's hard to grieve when you're frustrated at work because of very demanding and difficult clients. Grief doesn't really hit you when you're busy planning so many things for the next few months. It doesn't make it's presence felt when you're trying your hardest to push it back to it's corner though you know you shouldn't fight it. God knows how desperate I am to cry and just get it over with. Am I asking too much? Am I being such an arrogant fool to think that rationalizing things would make me not grieve?
Now let's stop talking about grief...it's a bit of a downer, and I'm sorry for making you feel bad with what I've written. I haven't talked about this, so yeah..Brain farts. Anyway, my company (all SIXTEEN of us) are going to Subic tomorrow for the treetop adventure thingy. I'm expecting it to rain, so I'll be bringing my awesome wow-it's-going-to-snow-so-I'll-wear-this-jacket jacket. It's cream-colored, is made of non-absorbent material, and it has a hood. I wanted us just to have karaoke night at a nice karaoke bar here in the Metro, but since our expat Ben is leaving soon we might as well take him out of Manila.
Brain fart #3: the next couple of weeks I'll be "hating" myself for the fact that I've gained weight since I started working. People's comments about how I seem to be looking healthier compared to before is not making me happy at all. It makes me want to throw something. I don't like weight comments...I actually think it's rude to comment about one's weight if your opinion isn't asked about it. I haven't been able to wake up early this past week so I wasn't able to go jogging. I'll starve myself again if this pattern doesn't change.
Another thought...I only found out last night that I was supposed to be nicknamed Cheska. My parents were already calling me that when I was a baby but Lolo Jake got mad and he said he didn't want me to use that nickname because there was a new product out called Cheska Bibingka (a local dish that's usually served as a snack and often sold during Christmas season). He didn't like the name because I might be associated with Cheska Bibingka and I'd be teased by people. My grandfather's the reason why I'm known as Nicole. Why, initially, I've never been called Niks, Nic, Nik...I was known as Nicole for the longest time. People only started coining nicknames for me when I was in high school. Quite strange, actually, for some people to call me Niks (which is my nickname to close friends and family).
My lolo and I were never that close. I grew up living with my grandparents, but I wasn't close to him. Though we didn't have a close relationship, we knew each other well. I guess living under the same roof atunes you to how a person is. He knew what I liked and didn't like, and I knew what ticked him off and made him laugh. Okay, NOW I'm feeling a bit sleepy and my brain farts are starting to sound faint. I might as well end here and continue writing about my dearest Lolo Jake some other time. He deserves entirely for him :)
Thursday, July 2, 2009
it's typhoon season and everyone's raving about froyo
And yes, I'm one of them. Hahaha! I'm one of those who you see (im)patiently lined up just to buy frozen yogurt with crushed graham crackers, mangoes, and sliced almonds as my personal fave toppings. Considering it's not the usual rainy season here in the Philippines because it hasn't been raining that often, I guess it's expected that people are looking for food that'll satisfy their craving for something cold, sweet but (hopefully) not fattening. I've been seeing quite a few frozen yogurt places here in Manila. I usually go to Red Mango for my fix of froyo. There's also California Berry, which I haven't tried. I think now's the perfect time for me to do so, because a branch just opened along Tomas Morato which is practically 5 minutes away from where I live!
Now I'm really, REALLY craving for some froyo....hmmmm...
Now I'm really, REALLY craving for some froyo....hmmmm...
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