of regret and awakening

Whenever I remember or see one of my exes, I always ask myself this....

"WHY, NICOLE? WHY?"

Quite strange how regret can get you. Rationally, regretting is a waste of time because you can't do anything about what has already happened. You have to acknowledge the decisions made, accept the consequences, and move forward and take whatever you've learned and use them to avoid future mistakes.

Easier said than done. It often takes a while before you can truly accept and move on. And though you've already let go and moved forward, there are times you remember how things were and think about the Whys, If Onlys, Should Haves, Could Haves.

Assuming you've learned so many things from your past decisions, and in retrospect these should make you appreciate your experiences, and you've grown up thanks to the triumphs and downfalls of your life--you still ask yourself "Why'd I have to do that?" You'd figure that you'd be in a better position now if you had made the right choices. Then again, you know you didn't.

But honestly, more than realizing that you should have made better decisions and how situations or people have affected or influenced you--the epiphany is more about yourself. The "why" question you ask is because you finally get it; you finally see that you are more and above the situations and people you've encountered. They shouldn't have determined who you are and your decisions because ultimately, you know your area of control. You know what's good for you. You know what will make you joyful (take note: not just happy) and content. Finally, you can see yourself clearly now--no distractions, no detours as if stripped of everything but your skin. You can't run away or hide behind situations or people anymore.

Missing Casa San Pablo

Three days without t.v, two hours of wifi, and LOTS of reading time. Quite relaxing, actually. Casa San Pablo's the perfect place to escape to if you want to destress and just lounge around, read, sleep, or eat. Though we only stayed for three days, I brought all my cameras so I could get lots of pictures. I settled with just using our old Canon digicam (which I think will soon conk out on us...I hope it will...so I can finally have a valid reason to buy a new and waaay better one) and Smiley Cyrus--my Holga 120cfn.

These are shots I took on our first day at Casa San Pablo. Enjoy!

...it felt like I was entering a secret garden of some sort

welcome to room#2

our matchbox-filled room

...the door's rustic feel really fascinated me

...even the floor was fascinating! brick and wood

...felt like being artsy fartsy :)

the casitas

the alcantaras' (Casa San Pablo's owners) wonderful home

...hammocks to lounge on while reading a good book

red, green and yellow!

the gorgeous red room

a pretty piece of art that caught my eye in the lunch hall

my brother on the hammock

pretty flowers :)

green, yellow, and brown always look great together

vast space to explore

Haruki Murakami: my "companion" during the trip

view while lying down on the hammock

Anoooooop!

Though I haven't been watching American Idol religiously compared to the previous seasons, I must say that I really like Anoop. I don't think he'll win, but I'm still a fan. My brother showed me this video on youtube of Anoop and his college acapella group the clefhangers. After watching this video, I was just so amazed with him! I started watching the other videos on youtube of the clefhangers and I realized that Anoop's an underrated singer. People should give him more credit. And yeah, I think he's always nervous on stage on AI that's why he's not singing as well as I know he can.

Enjoy the vid!

loving Pinoy labels

My friend and I did a bit of shopping and a lot of window shopping this afternoon at the Shangrila mall. I was planning on buying only one dress--for my friend's wedding on the 18th. Alas, I couldn't resist so I bought another dress at F & H and I love love loooooove it! It's a simple black summer-y dress perfect for the disgustingly hot weather here in Manila. Quite weird that I chose a black dress, but the fabric's just so cool and light I figured it'd suit me well. Anyway, the dress I bought for the wedding's just fabolous in my book. It's simple, elegant, and the fabric has a unique flow and feel to it.

While we were looking around and checking out different stores, Mishi commented that she's starting to be impressed with local labels. Actually, I've been buying a lot of local stuff the past few months and I'd have to agree with her. Local lines are coming out with really good clothes. Though some are still relatively more expensive than others, prices are still reasonable...assuming the economic situation doesn't get any worse than we're expecting. From Crossings , to Bench, to Plains and Prints, to Bayo, and to Kamiseta--we transferred from shop to shop checking out dresses and fabulous blouses. To add to the torture, we also checked out Celine, CMG, Schu, and Steve Madden to drool over shoes we wish we could afford to buy. Unfortunately, pay day's a week from now so our wallets are quite thin.

Waiting for the 15th...I'm dying to do a bit--no--a LOT of shopping.

Anyway, I have a question for you guys: Have you ever been drawn to a type of clothing that whenever you go to a store, any store for that matter, you seem to gravitate towards just one type? For example, I've noticed that in all the stores I've been to I always check out the long dresses. I usually check out dresses first but I've been looking at long dresses for a few months already. So what are you drawn to?

I got this from daydream lily ...the "four things" tag (though I wasn't tagged..hahaha!)

four places i go, over and over - The Face Shop, Fullybooked, Bayo, and Charles & Keith

four tv shows watch - CSI (Las Vegas), Numbers, Cold Case, and House

four favourite smells - Bench Citrus, anything from Victoria's Secret's perfume line, the smell of baby powder, and the sweet scent of Johnson's baby cologne! :)

four places i'd rather be right now - at the beach with my friends, at Tagaytay snuggled up in Taal Vista Hotel's nice comfy bed, on a plane to Europe, at Casa San Pablo on a hammock staring up at the stars :)

from betsey

I got this from Betsey. Thank you, dear! I just love this poem I had to share it on my blog, too.

You CAN be loved :)

even if you're not perfect
even if you don't know the answer
even if you are horribly confused
even if you can't make anyone feel better
even if you don't know how to make yourself well
even if you made a mistake
even if you don't know how to be
even if you are ashamed
even if you are hopeless
even if you don't quite fit in
even if you are scared
even if you are lonely
even if you shouldn't be having such a hard time right now
even if you don't think so
even if you haven't found your place yet
even if you aren't proud of yourself
even if no one has really seen you before
even if you don't know what to do
even if you try too hard
even if you're disappointed
even if you don't really like yourself right now
even if you are beyond good advice
even if you don't know how to cry
even if you think this post must be meant for someone
other than you

by jen lemen

Alice and the Lost Boys made my day

I went berzerk this afternoon (yet again) and I bought things I know I don't need. Being the semi-compulsive shopper that I am, I bought four VCDs and a magazine. Unlike my usual post-splurge(s), I'm glad with my purchases--especially the VCDs. I almost bought 10 but I decided four would do since my budget for the day didn't permit me to spend more than 500 pesos. The VCDs were on sale for 100 bucks each so what the heck, right? Who in their right mind would feel bad about buying Disney movies? I got Mary Poppins, Peter Pan, Alice in Wonderland, and Aladdin. I was a bit disappointed they didn't have Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Anyone familiar with that? Remember the song in that movie?

Chitty Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Chitty Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Chitty Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Oh you pretty Chitty Bang Bang,
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang We love you.
And, in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang What we'll do.
Near, far, in our motor car Oh what a happy time we'll spend.
Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Our fine four fendered friend.
Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Our fine four fendered friend.

Anyway, I'm really happy with the purchases I made. For one thing, it's been quite a while since I last watched a classic Disney movie. I'm a Disney kid, you know. I learned that a spoon full of sugar makes the medicine go down, that even if Neverland is a fun and exciting place to go to we always have to grow up like Wendy, that the Cheshire cat is really annoying and misleading, and that someday my prince will come and sweep me off my feet and hopefully I won't eat any poisoned fruit (if I'll be careful and if I stay away from bitter old hags--hahaha!).

Fact of life: we grow up. Things get more complicated, priorities change, responsibilities pile up, people are more difficult to read, and becoming routine-dependent helps us survive the hustle and bustle of adulthood. We yearn for the days that all we worried about were homework, if our baon would be good, if our class would win against the other class in a game of agawan base.

I guess why I was so happy chancing upon these simple Disney movies was because for a moment I was a kid again--excited to watch Alice and her adventures in Wonderland, to feel sorry for Tinkerbell because she felt jealous of Wendy and neglected by Peter, to laugh at Genie's crazy antics while Aladdin struggled to keep his secret from Jasmin that he wasn't a prince, and to sing along with Mary Poppin while she tried to make Jane and Michael drink their medicine and clean their room.

Holy Week just started, and I guess this would be the right time for me to be a kid again. No, I won't start playing Chinese garter. And no, I won't start wearing my hair in pigtails or braids. This week, I'll just forget about work, forget about balancing my finances, and forget about how being thrown in the world of adulthood feels like being thrown in a tank with sharks just ready to chomp off a part of you. For a few days, I'll be a kid again: no stress, no worries. If anyone will look for me, don't even bother (haha!). I'll be running all over Wonderland with Alice, fighting pirates with Lost Boys, and soaring off on a magic carpet.

one week vaca

Since it's a holiday on the 6th (Mon) and Holy Week starts on the 9th (Thur), my boss told us to take a leave on the 7th and 8th. Woohoo! A week without work. This is the first time in quite a while that we're spending Holy Week out of town. On a whim, my family and I decided to go to Casa San Pablo in Laguna next week from April 8-10. I've always wanted to go there, and I was actually hoping I'd visit that place with my friends. I guess Casa San Pablo will still be fun with my grandmother and brother, since we'll be the only ones left here in Manila next week. My mom will be back in the boondocks (haha!) of Bukidnon by this weekend, my uncle and aunt are going to Camarines Sur to go wakeboarding, and my other uncle and aunt plus my cousins are going to visit my family in the province. So that just leaves me, my grandmother, and my brother.

I don't think a lot of countries take Holy Week as seriously as the Philippines does.


Yes, we shouldn't forget what Jesus went through...so Holy Week is not just the time for us to pray and reflect, but it also gives us the time to rest and relax--two things I think we need to be able to contemplate...don't you agree?