What watching Made of Honor can do to you...

I'm so contemplative and full of realizations today...thanks to watching Made of Honor, the oodles of time to think (thanks to the number coding, I was stuck in San Juan until 7 p.m), and another emotion-filled & enlightening conversation with Dave. So here goes....

What's there to fear? Honestly, as young as I am--I fear being alone and not ending up with THE guy for me...my GB (God's Best). I guess I still have a lot of work to do in terms of trusting God with everything, including my love life. I've only been with two guys. The first was a total jerk, and the last guy...Well, he was everything I was praying for. Unfortunately, my relationship with my last boyfriend didn't work--not because of something bad...It just wasn't the right time, I guess. I'm still trying to figure out why things didn't turn out the way I wanted them to. You see, Dave is such a blessing. He really doesn't get why I say he is...but it's true. He really is a blessing.

I honestly don't have the strength to write down everything now, because I just had a very complex day--in that it was relaxing, fun, emotional, sad, and what have you (well, I didn't get mad today..that's good, right?). Can I just say, I never knew that there could possibly be a real Will and Grace type of relationship between exes..until after contemplating on the past couple of months, I realized that my relationship with Dave is sort of like that...except for the gay part. Actually, we're kinda like Will and Grace, but not really...I don't expect anyone to understand me (well, except for Dave of course). We have our own tandem. I love Dave to death and now, it's really sinking in that I should let go of him. We may not be for each other, in terms of ending up together...But I know deep in my heart that we'll always be friends. I'd rather lose him as a lover, than lose him as a friend. As cliche as this sounds, it's really true. He truly is one of the kindred spirits in my life (if you're familiar with Anne of Green Gables, you'll understand my usage of the term kindred spirits).

I wish I could post a picture of me and Dave..but no. Hahaha! The most decent picture we have is where we both look like we haven't had sleep in a week. Major eyebag alert. Though honestly, I really like it. I guess it's because it's our first picture together. I dunno...take away the eyebags, we look fine. Hahaha! Who am I kidding? We both looked bangenge. At the risk of Dave hating me forever, I won't post the picture. Hahaha :)